In the Begining...

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was very overwhelmed. This wasn't suppose to happen to me... I had big plans. I wanted to finish college, travel the world, and maybe be married before I ever went and got myself pregnant.
Amber was the first person to know. I was talking to her on facebook messenger the whole time while I jumped into cab and brought myself to emergency to get a pregnancy test. "...I bet your not." she typed to me. I hoped I wasn't, but deep inside I knew.
I went home and waited for Tamara to get home. When she arrived I told her too. She thought I was kidding, but a moment later relized I wasn't.
I sat in my room and wondered how Frazer was going to feel when I told him and the disapointment my parent would feel when I told them. I didn't want to upset anyone and knew my family wanted me to have the best life that I could have and how was I suppose to have all my dreams if I didn't have a career to make money? Just than, I recieved a text from Chauna "Hi, are you still taking the boys swimming?" I had forgotten all about it, but I answered "Yup, I'll be there in 20 mins" Like I said I don't like letting people down, espeically my brothers.
After swimming, Frazer picked me up from my parents house. For the first time I asked if we could go for a little drive before we went home. We drove for a while and he told me about his day and asked me about mine, but he knew something was wrong. I finally told him. He was suprisingly very calm and asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted to finish school of course, but I didn't care about what my wants were, I wanted to know what he thought. He told  me he wants me to make a choice that will make me happiest and he will support me either way. We agreed that we weren't ready for a baby and we both need to do something with our lives first.
Even though I knew it was best for both of us, I didn't feel any relief about our desicion. I was overwhelmed with emotion.
After the weekend, I went to my first appointment. I told the nurse my desicion, but I couldn't say it without tears welling up in my eyes. The nurse explained to me that I would have to get an ultrasound to see how far along I was and explained how the procedure would work.
The next day I got up early and went to the hospital on my own. Got blood work done and the ultrasound. I was about 6 weeks along.
After that, back to the nurses' office I went and this time she pulled out a book and went into deeper explanation about my procedure. It would be a day surgery and I might feel depressed afterwards and she listed off symptoms of depression:
- Sleeping a lot more or a lot less
- Eating more or less than usual.
- Interacting less with people than usual.
- Feeling worthless or guilt.
- Lack of energy.
- Not wanting to do thing you usualy do.

I felt all those symptoms already.
She told me the docor would not be in town for two more weeks, by than I would be 8 and half weeks pregnant.

I continued on with my life the best I could, but there was only one thing on my mind and it didn't help that I had the many symptoms of pregnancy, I wanted to puke all the time and usually did, I smelt everything and soon disliked one of my favorite foods. Also I felt like a shedding dog with my hair coming out everytime I ran my fingers through it.

Frazer and I didn't really talk about it. We both didn't want to become attached, I knew this was probably as hard for him as it was for me so I never forced the conversation, but I never closed off the conversation either. I wanted him to talk to me about it when he was ready.
We had a few converstion about the topic, I told him I was scared to get an abortion and having to live with my desicion for the rest of my life, he told me he would be with me throught the whole thing no matter what choice I wanted and he just wanted me to be happy.

One night though, after I came home from work, he lied down on the bed beside me and started talking about it. I don't remember how it started, but it finshed with us both not being able to go through with it. I had grown attach to the little thing sucking all the energy out of me.